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No Ocean Without the Waves: Aug. 31, 2020

Updated: Nov 25

I was led to Sayulita a week ago due to the Santa Cruz, California wildfires. I evacuated from my apartment, where I had only moved-in two weeks before and was now displaced. In my discombobulated state, I remembered that I had flight and lodging credit from a cancelled Mexico retreat/trip in April. Incidentally, there were no quarantine restrictions or COVID testing required to enter Mexico; the Nayarit region has one of the least COVID cases out of the whole country; and the international travel ban from the US had recently been lifted. Needing an affordable place to recover (with clean air), I booked my flight and flew out 36 hours later.

It was only a couple of days after I arrived here did I realize that my journey had come to full circle. I was in Sayulita exactly 8 months ago to the date. At that time, I was facilitating a New Year’s retreat, unaware that I had a kundalini awakening (and another one would follow in February). I had already experienced my first kundalini awakening about five years ago in Thailand. I attributed it to a consistent practice of yoga, meditation, TRE, QiGong and being exposed to energy work and spirituality. I was staying at New Life Foundation, an intentional community, and there was an inner nudge to look a bit deeper at myself. Although I was in a safe space, I was afraid to let go of the illusion (to myself and others) that I was “perfect.” In fact, I had built up my perfect image so much that people were initially shocked to learn that I had trauma, addictions, anger, or even problems.

For me, a kundalini awakening is the soul pushing to emerge from underneath all the layers that we cover and protect ourselves in. Physically, it feels like energy coursing through my veins, with strong kicks coming from the inside out. This time around, all seven chakras were activated with intense sensations. With these chakra points open, it unlocked what had been suppressed, to deal with or not. It also brought to the surface my beliefs, fears, attachments, ego, and understandings about love. A full dismantling process happened. On the “other side”, I was now tuned into a frequency that allowed access to channeling, automatic writing, heightened intuition, noticing synchronicities, past life connections, feeling the vibration of nature’s elements, and stepping into different realms. Yes, the experience was intense, overwhelming, fascinating, extraordinary, and exhausting. And it lasted for eight months.

My inner state and outer world triggered each other, and there was no shortage of events— the COVID crisis; Black Lives Matter; the state of my business; financial anxiety; not having "a real home" for five months; evacuating from the California wildfires; and a twin flame encounter. My biggest lesson through all these situations was whether I chose to stay “a victim” or if I was ready for change. There’s a fine line between acknowledging our (perceived) limitations yet fully embracing new options VS. reinforcing our perceived limitations and staying stuck. We can see this in choosing whether to engage in the same unhealthy relationship patterns, the same unfulfilling career, as well as if we unconsciously resist abundance, freedom, or love.

I learned to let go of what I didn’t want, even if it had been my story or identity for years. I then took time to become clear with what I did want and commit to it. That was actually harder. Oftentimes distractions, excuses, self-doubt, and temptations would try to throw me off track, and I had to be firm with my boundaries. Once I navigated past that, the universe guided me to the next step. This transition was a noticeable shift with many acknowledgements, blessings, signs, and synchronicities.

As I sit on the beach, I feel that I have reached one of many destinations in my soul journey, a bit like a checkpoint on the spiritual path. A deep sense of peace and stillness fills me, and I know that I have arrived.

To the ocean of all things that carried me over the waves-- thank you.


Be well,

Tammy


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