What was meant to be a low key month of July ended in burnout. It took a shoulder injury for me to listen to my body, even though all the signs were there leading up to that point. I ignored my own self-care and self-warmth with my pattern of “doing” and more doing.
Ah, it sure was sneaky this time! I mean, how could I possibly pass up a 5 week online Family Constellations course led by the amazing Leslie Nipps? How exciting would it be to lead my first-ever Full Moon Women’s Circle? Who else would be able to coordinate, organize, and promote two fundraisers for a local orphanage to repair 12 bicycles for the kids? What will be the developmental impact of the babies at another orphanage if I don’t visit them every week to hold and play with them? Why would I pay for an overpriced taxi when I can walk to my destination in 30 minutes with a carry-on bag?
I felt the mental exhaustion hit about the same time as my weary body took a toll. My right shoulder gave out (AC joint), causing pain and very little range of motion. With my dominant hand effected, I am quite sure that the universe put me on mandatory rest-lockdown!
It was interesting to observe my first reactions and thoughts. Disappointment that I didn't listen to my body or intuition. Shame that as a person who promotes self-care, I was not able to follow through on my own words. Anxiety over how I'd manage to brush my teeth or change my clothes with only my non-dominant hand. Guilt that I had to cancel my yoga classes and plans. Worry that I will need to postpone things on my 'to do' list.
As I sat with these feelings, I realized that everyone in my family is a do-er. I especially take after my mom, someone who was constantly involved in projects and taking care of others, but putting her own needs last. Could I be carrying this pattern out of unconscious loyalty and belonging to my mom and ancestors? There was only one way to find out! I set-up a constellation for myself, and sure enough this was what was revealed. Once this unconscious "contract" was released, I felt relief, calmness, and self-warmth. I no longer need to keep "doing."
You can now look for constellation work being added to my retreats. These will be short, simple exercises to gain insight, clarity and healing for ourselves. It will complement the other modalities that are offered at my retreats: yoga, TRE, innerdance energy work, meditation, and QiGong.
Hope to see you in Thailand or Mexico!
Hanuman Yoga Retreat
Tammy is a location independent yogi.