When I pulled the card called "The Flame Tree" from my GAIA oracle card deck four times in a row from Feb. 2018 until Nov. 2018, it's hard not to pay attention to the message that the universe was trying to tell me. What the heck was it trying to tell me?? It said "the start of something new." After racking my brain trying to figure out what it could mean-- a new idea, relationship, diet, country to live in, collaboration, skill, way of being-- I let it go. The answer is often not what's on the surface; what the logic mind thinks is the answer; or anything that requires analyzing.
It's actually a bit like writing this December newsletter. I started writing a week ago but was experiencing a bad case of writer's block. I tried different ideas, but nothing worked. Now my fingers are flying off the keyboard and the core message of the card woke me up in the middle of the night.
For me, the start of something new is the start of creating new patterns. Over the years, I made a lot of promises to myself. These 'contracts to myself' were to keep me safe from 'bad experiences'. For example, I told myself: I will never loan money to a friend again. I will never work with a certain person again. I will never let myself get hurt in a relationship. And it goes on. One my patterns that came up was that I often gave too much to people who took too much. I didn't like how I was treated. With this realization, I got pretty good at saying 'NO' and creating firm boundaries and awareness.
What I didn't practice was sensing when situations were actually safe. This is so interesting to me because it goes exactly with the work of TRE/tension-trauma release and neuroscience-- things that I "thought I already knew about." When we feel safe to create something new, this is where the magic happens. Sometimes we can confuse feeling safe with staying in our comfort zone and the familiar patterns that we are used to, even when they are not serving us. Or, we can choose to take a step up or away from the pattern. Having control instead of the pattern controlling us.
As 2018 comes to a close, I invite you to reflect on any patterns that you would like to let go of. Are you making excuses, going into blame, or staying with an inaccurate belief? Are you overprotecting yourself or anxious about uncertainty or vulnerability? What ways can you start something new and trust what is already safe?
Wishing you all the best for 2019!
November already? What a whirlwind the past few weeks! We had an incredible family constellations workshop + retreat last month at Museflower Retreat, Thailand. Many thanks to Leslie Nipps for being an excellent facilitator and guiding us so gracefully with this delicate work. Although I have done constellation work many times before, it still strikes me how amazing it is to be able to step into the past, present, and future and have conversations with anyone or anything (ie. your heart, money, a disease). During one exercise, we engaged in a dyad of our choice. I represented myself, and I asked someone to represent (the sensations and embodiment of) Hanuman Yoga Retreat. My partner reported that my work had strong focus and a sense of, “Wheeeeeeeeeeee!” :)
And that’s exactly what I noticed happening lately! It started out small and slow— an idea, attending an event, reconnecting with others. Then those ideas and connections took more shape, branching out in many wonderful ways. The more I began to integrate all the high vibes around me, the more I could feel the sparkles of creativity, support, and clear focus.
So, what’s else is new? Handmade lavender eye pillows! I am so delighted to bring you moments of deep relaxation! I am also very happy to support my love for Chiang Mai by working with local tailors and buying materials from small businesses. Currently, I am only selling the eye pillows in Chiang Mai, but I will be creating an online shop soon.
Tammy is a location independent yogi.