When I first started doing yoga, I really hated the experience but felt great afterwards. I "made" myself go to a yoga class, much like people begrudgingly drag themselves to the gym. I struggled and pushed through poses, and couldn't wait until it was time for savasana. It was the same when I first started meditation. I was restless, bored, anxious and could not wait until the 20 minutes (or sometimes 10 minutes) was over. A few years later, there came a turning point when I stopped thinking of self-care as "punishment" or saying that I didn't have time. Now, I looked forward to spending time with myself in a nourishing way.

Can you "do" self-care while "being" in self-warmth? Is your yoga and meditation practice rigid, goal-oriented, and frustrating? Or can you simply enjoy being in your body, allowing spaciousness in your experience, and staying curious? In self-warmth, there is a sense of joy and delight in your being without an inner critic telling you to "do"-- do it right, better, or more. This happens when we feel safe to be as we are-- which takes practice! Family Constellation facilitator Sarah Peyton's refers to this as shifting from the left hemisphere of the brain (logical, getting things done) to the right hemisphere (relational).

And of course, how we relate to ourselves may be the same in how we relate to others. When you are caring for others, can you be more in your warmth rather than just doing? It's not easy, and the key is practice.

Wishing you lots of self-warmth in May!

Be well,
Tammy

Season 3 of Chiang Mai wrapped up like a box full of treasures. How wonderful to have so much enthusiasm at our events, classes, retreats, and at Jai Thep Festival! I am truly honored to be part of this inspiring community. I also said a heartfelt goodbye and thanks to Yoga Kuukan, the studio I taught at for 2.5 years. They will now move to Japan! And speaking of which, I am on my way to the Kansai region for a week. In addition to visiting my grandparents' gravesite and reconnecting with my aunt and uncle (after +15 years!) I'll be researching retreat venues in Kyoto. If all goes well, I'm hoping to offer a retreat in the spring or fall 2020.

For now, it's time for some spring cleaning and springing forward! For someone who isn't *ahem* always tidy, I do enjoy my closing ritual as I prepare to leave Chiang Mai for two months. Going through my closet, cupboards, documents and purging what I don't need. I also wipe, scrub, and vacuum as many surfaces as possible. I had no idea how many dust bunnies were living in my A/C filter! And not even paying rent!

Such a sense of satisfaction to clear, cleanse, and honor my space as a transition and opening into the next cycle. It's a bit like what self-care tools do for our mind and body. GETS RID OF THE INTERNAL CLUTTER— all that is old, rigid, and stuck. This then helps us re-set, re-pattern and let go of our stress, conditioning, and old stories.

How are you giving yourself some spring cleaning?

Be well,
Tammy
Hanuman Yoga Retreat

I’m listening to Scott Orr’s song, “Slow Down”— a wonderful complement to the Tao oracle card I chose for 2019: RECEPTIVE. It’s a message to allow the “yin” in moments of uncertainty— to just breathe, give some space, and realize that there are (unseen) things still happening in response to the next moment. In times when I am exceptionally busy, it’s a reminder to give myself self-care, set boundaries, and be at ease in the flow. It’s easy to default to the patterns of my ego— wanting control, certainty, for everything to work out perfectly, for things to happen efficiently. I mean, come on universe; I don’t have all day!! :) This not only neglects the inquiry, learning and growth in my experiences, but also ignores other parts that are involved in my journey— intuition, timing, the universal and systemic elements that exist but are unknown to me.

I recently spoke to someone who arrived to Chiang Mai three weeks ago. His was a familiar story of quitting his job, selling everything he owned, and starting his journey. He was excited, overwhelmed, and ... impatient. I could certainly relate to this when I first moved here! It’s like a combination of being retired and being a freelancer. All the possibilities are in front of you to the point that it’s overwhelming. Searching for something but not clear on what that is. When I heard him share his frustrations, I smiled. There was nothing to do, change or fix. He was exactly where he is meant to be. Some days, weeks, or months simply need time for yin. And from that, there might be a somewhat nagging feeling of deeper inquiry. In that intuitive space, we are able to feel more into the next step and observe what is guiding our choices or resistance.
Of course, when there is too much idleness or feeling stuck, movement can be a catalyst. A great amount of yin energy might not work well in a job, an unsatisfying relationship, or self-discipline towards a goal. At a weeklong meditation retreat, my teacher said: "If you're one of those people who is in the habit of 'doing', maybe skip a session or two. If you're one of those people who is kind of a slacker, try to show up for all the classes." This is a great example of balancing the yin and yang.

Whether it's your body, mind, emotions, behavior, relationships, work, or lifestyle, where can you allow more yin or yang?

I've been hearing the news about UNICEF and Giorgio Armani's campaign, the one that rewards you for not touching your phone for 10 minutes in exchange for giving a day of water to a child in need. Wow. I knew that our society has turned into device addicts, but this really sends the message that we are indeed living in desperate times. 

I gave up my phone 6 months ago and was without WiFi for a week last December. I remember the initial adjustment as a shocking realization of my attachment to being online. The first few days offline were challenging and filled me with anxiety as I worried and wondered what I was missing out on. 

That was the thing. I had been missing out on everything else that was happening around me, so I began paying attention to the present moment of sounds, smells, sights, details, people, life, and most of all, my emotional, mental, and physical state of being. Slowly, there was a noticeable shift and desire to tune into the present moment instead of tune out. It made me think of the times when I would habitually check my phone, which was usually when waiting (for a friend, the train, a coffee order) or when I needed my own downtime. I also began to notice when and why people were using their phones—to take a photo, text, update a status, read the news... ANYTHING that was turning that moment, whether it was by yourself, or with another person or group into not enough. It is not enough that you are having lunch with a friend. It is not enough that you are spending time with your child. It is not enough that it's Christmas. It is not enough that you are on a beautiful tropical island. It is not enough to let go of ego because you're fast forwarding a moment into how many shares, likes and comments you'll get. It is not enough that ___________. 

That is a big, ginormous problem. 

You see, whatever you are doing and wherever you are, it is enough. Yes, even if it's awkward, or boring, or amazing, it is what it is. By taking yourself away from that present moment and going on your phone, you create an instant out, a ready-made distraction that effectively diminishes the situation. Don't get me wrong; I do find a lot of joy and value in sharing news, interacting on Facebook, taking photos for the memories, and having conveniences with the click of a button. But I've learned that less is more. 

The next time you reach for your phone, PAUSE. Ask yourself, Is this present moment enough? With this question, you can mindfully choose to use social media and devices. What's the outcome? Living in the present moment means greater awareness, the ability to focus, calmness, and contentment. And that is enough.