What was meant to be a low key month of July ended in burnout. It took a shoulder injury for me to listen to my body, even though all the signs were there leading up to that point. I ignored my own self-care and self-warmth with my pattern of “doing” and more doing.

Ah, it sure was sneaky this time! I mean, how could I possibly pass up a 5 week online Family Constellations course led by the amazing Leslie Nipps? How exciting would it be to lead my first-ever Full Moon Women’s Circle? Who else would be able to coordinate, organize, and promote two fundraisers for a local orphanage to repair 12 bicycles for the kids? What will be the developmental impact of the babies at another orphanage if I don’t visit them every week to hold and play with them? Why would I pay for an overpriced taxi when I can walk to my destination in 30 minutes with a carry-on bag?

I felt the mental exhaustion hit about the same time as my weary body took a toll. My right shoulder gave out (AC joint), causing pain and very little range of motion. With my dominant hand effected, I am quite sure that the universe put me on mandatory rest-lockdown!

It was interesting to observe my first reactions and thoughts. Disappointment that I didn't listen to my body or intuition. Shame that as a person who promotes self-care, I was not able to follow through on my own words. Anxiety over how I'd manage to brush my teeth or change my clothes with only my non-dominant hand. Guilt that I had to cancel my yoga classes and plans. Worry that I will need to postpone things on my 'to do' list.

As I sat with these feelings, I realized that everyone in my family is a do-er. I especially take after my mom, someone who was constantly involved in projects and taking care of others, but putting her own needs last. Could I be carrying this pattern out of unconscious loyalty and belonging to my mom and ancestors? There was only one way to find out! I set-up a constellation for myself, and sure enough this was what was revealed. Once this unconscious "contract" was released, I felt relief, calmness, and self-warmth. I no longer need to keep "doing."

You can now look for constellation work being added to my retreats. These will be short, simple exercises to gain insight, clarity and healing for ourselves. It will complement the other modalities that are offered at my retreats: yoga, TRE, innerdance energy work, meditation, and QiGong.

Hope to see you in Thailand or Mexico!

Be well,
Tammy
Hanuman Yoga Retreat

I'm often reminded that the world is a lot bigger than my day-to-day life. That's not to say that my own wants and needs don't matter. In fact, it took a long time for me to practice self-care and boundaries, especially knowing when it was beneficial to give.

However, we can also stay a bit stuck in the 'self' zone (and selfie zone, for that matter!). We've all been there (maybe). Can we be aware of moments to step out of our inner-outer-sideways journey, need for control, and simply connect beyond our own self-world?

Of course we can! I'm a big fan of volunteering and/or being part of a charitable organization. You'll likely meet amazing people, learn a lot, and feel a sense of belonging. For the past three years, I have been volunteering at a Thai orphanage, and it's brought even greater joy and meaning to my life here.
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Karma yoga is another wonderful way to contribute to your community. Starting this Tuesday, I'm offering free weekly meditation at the park in Chiang Mai. When I am in San Francisco visiting my family, I attend meditation groups at a Buddhist temple and church. Their groups are 100% free (and they have snacks!!), and this is my way to pay it forward (but without the snacks, ahem).

And last, daily random acts of kindness is always a crowd (or one person) pleaser. Bonus points if it's for someone you don't know, as well as for nature. :)

Who's ready for a 30 Day Challenge filled with random acts of kindness, volunteering and paying it forward? Life-changing results guaranteed! Feel free to share your experiences with me by email!

Be well,
Tammy
Hanuman Yoga Retreat

When I first started doing yoga, I really hated the experience but felt great afterwards. I "made" myself go to a yoga class, much like people begrudgingly drag themselves to the gym. I struggled and pushed through poses, and couldn't wait until it was time for savasana. It was the same when I first started meditation. I was restless, bored, anxious and could not wait until the 20 minutes (or sometimes 10 minutes) was over. A few years later, there came a turning point when I stopped thinking of self-care as "punishment" or saying that I didn't have time. Now, I looked forward to spending time with myself in a nourishing way.

Can you "do" self-care while "being" in self-warmth? Is your yoga and meditation practice rigid, goal-oriented, and frustrating? Or can you simply enjoy being in your body, allowing spaciousness in your experience, and staying curious? In self-warmth, there is a sense of joy and delight in your being without an inner critic telling you to "do"-- do it right, better, or more. This happens when we feel safe to be as we are-- which takes practice! Family Constellation facilitator Sarah Peyton's refers to this as shifting from the left hemisphere of the brain (logical, getting things done) to the right hemisphere (relational).

And of course, how we relate to ourselves may be the same in how we relate to others. When you are caring for others, can you be more in your warmth rather than just doing? It's not easy, and the key is practice.

Wishing you lots of self-warmth in May!

Be well,
Tammy

Season 3 of Chiang Mai wrapped up like a box full of treasures. How wonderful to have so much enthusiasm at our events, classes, retreats, and at Jai Thep Festival! I am truly honored to be part of this inspiring community. I also said a heartfelt goodbye and thanks to Yoga Kuukan, the studio I taught at for 2.5 years. They will now move to Japan! And speaking of which, I am on my way to the Kansai region for a week. In addition to visiting my grandparents' gravesite and reconnecting with my aunt and uncle (after +15 years!) I'll be researching retreat venues in Kyoto. If all goes well, I'm hoping to offer a retreat in the spring or fall 2020.

For now, it's time for some spring cleaning and springing forward! For someone who isn't *ahem* always tidy, I do enjoy my closing ritual as I prepare to leave Chiang Mai for two months. Going through my closet, cupboards, documents and purging what I don't need. I also wipe, scrub, and vacuum as many surfaces as possible. I had no idea how many dust bunnies were living in my A/C filter! And not even paying rent!

Such a sense of satisfaction to clear, cleanse, and honor my space as a transition and opening into the next cycle. It's a bit like what self-care tools do for our mind and body. GETS RID OF THE INTERNAL CLUTTER— all that is old, rigid, and stuck. This then helps us re-set, re-pattern and let go of our stress, conditioning, and old stories.

How are you giving yourself some spring cleaning?

Be well,
Tammy
Hanuman Yoga Retreat

I’m listening to Scott Orr’s song, “Slow Down”— a wonderful complement to the Tao oracle card I chose for 2019: RECEPTIVE. It’s a message to allow the “yin” in moments of uncertainty— to just breathe, give some space, and realize that there are (unseen) things still happening in response to the next moment. In times when I am exceptionally busy, it’s a reminder to give myself self-care, set boundaries, and be at ease in the flow. It’s easy to default to the patterns of my ego— wanting control, certainty, for everything to work out perfectly, for things to happen efficiently. I mean, come on universe; I don’t have all day!! :) This not only neglects the inquiry, learning and growth in my experiences, but also ignores other parts that are involved in my journey— intuition, timing, the universal and systemic elements that exist but are unknown to me.

I recently spoke to someone who arrived to Chiang Mai three weeks ago. His was a familiar story of quitting his job, selling everything he owned, and starting his journey. He was excited, overwhelmed, and ... impatient. I could certainly relate to this when I first moved here! It’s like a combination of being retired and being a freelancer. All the possibilities are in front of you to the point that it’s overwhelming. Searching for something but not clear on what that is. When I heard him share his frustrations, I smiled. There was nothing to do, change or fix. He was exactly where he is meant to be. Some days, weeks, or months simply need time for yin. And from that, there might be a somewhat nagging feeling of deeper inquiry. In that intuitive space, we are able to feel more into the next step and observe what is guiding our choices or resistance.
Of course, when there is too much idleness or feeling stuck, movement can be a catalyst. A great amount of yin energy might not work well in a job, an unsatisfying relationship, or self-discipline towards a goal. At a weeklong meditation retreat, my teacher said: "If you're one of those people who is in the habit of 'doing', maybe skip a session or two. If you're one of those people who is kind of a slacker, try to show up for all the classes." This is a great example of balancing the yin and yang.

Whether it's your body, mind, emotions, behavior, relationships, work, or lifestyle, where can you allow more yin or yang?