About nine years ago, I injured my lower back after taking part in a running activity. I was in deep pain. It hurt to sit, bend over, or even stand. I had completed my yoga teacher training the year before and saw my career that I was ready to embark on crumbling before my eyes. I went to a chiropractor and had the standard initial consultation. “Why are you here? Where is the pain? Can you describe it? Is it dull or sharp?” I remember being frustrated with all these questions. I thought, “You’re the doctor! You figure it out!” I gestured toward my back and replied that the pain was “somewhere over there.” I couldn’t describe it; it just hurt.

I now realize how disconnected I was from my body (yes, even as a newly trained yoga teacher at the time) and lacked interoception. In general terms, interoception helps you understand and feel what’s going on inside your body. When we lack interoception, our ability to identify, notice, or describe our emotions or sensations is limited. This can lead to poor self-regulation, ignoring the body’s needs, staying stuck in pattern, and acting from a fragmented state.

As a student and teacher, it took many years of practice for me to have body awareness, notice my felt sensations, and use it to guide my experience.

Interoception can be applied in modalities as a student and teacher:

• YOGA: Notice what’s happening in your whole body with the idea that our system in interconnected (ie. breathing, posture, where you are creating unnecessary tension, which muscles you need to engage)
• MEDITATION: Observe, without attachment, what surfaces in your mind and body. Have an anchor to return to if you get distracted or overwhelmed.
• TRE®/ tension-trauma release exercises: Develop a rich vocabulary for your physical, mental, emotional, and energetic state. Self-regulate by not getting lost or overwhelmed in the experience.
• Innerdance Energy Work: Surrender into the flow of the journey and take in the multi-dimensional, multi-sensory process. Take time to reflect afterwards, perhaps through journaling or being in nature. What did the experience show you?
• CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY: Tune into subtle sensations; be present; and allow time for movement to happen
• FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS: Gently track moment to moment sensations as a representative. Sometimes the first sensation is a “secondary emotion”— a highly charged emotional reaction on the surface. After that has discharged, a primary emotion usually comes up, ie. sadness. Notice what happens when any representative makes a movement and how that impacts the other representatives in the field.
  

Whether I was the student or the teacher, the turning point arrived when I let go of achieving a specific outcome, or being in 'auto pilot' of an experience. Practicing equanimity, slowing down, and tuning into the present moment were all key to building interoception.

In somatic healing work, acknowledging what is present and true can be radically transformative. It works as both a discharge and embodiment. This is often stated aloud in a concise, clear “I” statement to yourself or to someone who is involved in your issue. Some examples are, “I need space.” “I have grief.” “My voice is important.” When you are able to land on a truth, the body responds in agreement with an emotional release, tremoring, or other somatic ways. It has found freedom from what has been ignored, suppressed, or unclear.

The next step would then be to inquire a bit more about where this truth comes from and heal from "the root." I highly recommend Resmaa Menakem's book My Grandmother's Hands. The information is 100% practical for all types of trauma as it relates to the body and mind.

Be well,
Tammy

As a child, anger was scary, explosive, and unpredictable. That was my relationship with it and continued on into my adult years. Whenever I saw someone showing their anger, my body froze, my muscles tensed, and I felt small. I didn't even need to be involved in the situation to get pulled into the automatic protective response from my childhood. At an early age, I remember promising myself that "I would never be like that"— someone who could not control their temper and would suddenly snap in any given situation. This pledge to myself worked so well that my peers, colleagues, and teachers would often comment on my calm nature and marveled at how "I never get mad." The compliments and my own pride reinforced my behavior.

But what if I was so afraid of anger that I avoided and suppressed it at all costs, even in my own feelings?

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a video that talked about "looking at our anger." At first, I dismissed it, thinking that such an 'appalling characteristic' certainly did not apply to calm, spiritual, easy-going ME!? Then I began to wonder. What if I did have anger? Could I acknowledge, without judgment, anger as a natural and necessary emotion that we all embody as humans?

The following day, I was engaged in my regular home TRE® practice. As I was merrily tremoring along, a new movement came up in my chest. I immediately recognized it as anger but in the absence of a triggering situation or memory. I observed and tracked it moment by moment— an emerging sensation building up, a peak point, and a disintegration. The stages of fire. I had moved trapped energy out. Had I known beforehand that I'd come across anger in my TRE practice that day, I probably would have overprepared, felt anxious, or tried to avoid it. Though the experience caught me by surprise, I was able to stay with it and allow myself to feel.

It reminded me of Dr. Gabor Mate's interview with the Australian singer Sia during his recent talks on the Wisdom of Trauma. Speaking about the challenges she has faced, Sia said, "I thought I'd die from feeling." This describes a state of overwhelm where it's too much to feel— too scary, too intimate, too vulnerable, or too painful. Many of us then learn to not feel as a protective response-- freezing, numbing, dissociating, and other ways to disconnect from our body and the present moment.

The following day, I engaged in another home TRE® practice. I wanted to alleviate my low back pain which was increasing in discomfort over the past couple of weeks. Spontaneously, a recurring tremoring pattern occurred. My head dropped back, my jaw widened, and I screamed and yelled in anger but without any sound or any triggering context. The intensity of this pattern picked up and then suddenly stopped after a few minutes. At that moment, my low back pain completely dissolved (and hasn't returned since). How incredible to access myofascial unwinding from years of clenching and grinding my jaw, suppressing my anger, and in tandem with the release of my low back pain.

This brought me back to my Biodynamic Craniosacral Training with Stefan Reiter. He pointed out the connection between the jaw and the pelvic region (hips, low back, psoas muscle). When we have tightness in the jaw, there is tightness in the hips, and vice versa. When we release the jaw, we release the pelvis, and vice versa.

So here I am, six years of practicing TRE® and staying fascinated and grateful for my healing journey.

May your own path unfold in remarkable ways.

Be well,
Tammy
Website . Facebook
(I have deleted my Instagram account in the spirit of downsizing.)

​COMPLETION.
​Over a year ago, I encountered a little girl named Maria at a beach town in Mexico. We connected easily, and she showed me how to feel like a kid again. That essence of joy, excitement, innocence, and playfulness. She was tuned into those who accepted her and welcomed her presence. In the same way, she was very clear about those who were not receptive to her. I don’t know if I’d say she gave only what she was given, but there was a pretty equal match to the energy of the many people she met in my company. Love was met with love. Indifference was met with indifference. Disdain was met with disdain.

In the past four months, each time I visited this particular beach town, Maria would show up. I didn’t take it as anything more than a pleasant surprise, yet I began to wonder if our connection held a greater meaning. I then realized that she needed my help. Maria longed to be reunited with her father, and simultaneously her father was looking for her.

I brought Maria to a nearby beach to hold a small ceremony and invited her father. He was so deep in sadness and suffering that he did not notice Maria standing excitedly in front of him— even though this was the very thing he wanted.

Maria had met her death several years ago. She bowed to her fate and set her soul free. The father said what needed to be said— to his daughter, to himself, releasing the burden he carried of not being able to save her life. He acknowledged his own fate with dignity, love, and honor. Now, Maria and her father could reunite at last.​

It was time for me to say goodbye to Maria. I was taken aback by my emotions, truly feeling the special bond with her. “Thank you for choosing me Maria. Thank you for the gift and honor. Thank you for connecting me to your being— the gleeful expressions, the sparkle in your heart, your love of trees, the stars, and the ocean, your happiness being in good company, your love for your father, your joyful spirit, and most of all—your smiles and giggles. Thank you for reminding me that this energy is within our innate self, no matter how old we get or how many layers we need to work through.

I give my blessings for you to join your father in the spirit world. As for me, I let the energy of my own inner child come through."​

*Out of respect for privacy, the name of the town and other proper nouns have not been mentioned.

This experience with channeling, spirits, and family constellations was a beautiful culmination of my four months in Mexico. It brought together my intentions at the start of my trip: a deeper connection to the country; being more in tune with the universal elements; and community (supporting each other, even dead folks!). It also reinforced the fact that there is A LOT happening by other forces in our human world, but on a less visible level. A reminder to sense and access information beyond the "ordinary" and material sources we take information from.

May we all stay open to the magic around us.

Be well,
Tammy

For months, I had received numerous auspicious signs about the new lunar cycle (Tibetan and Chinese New Year) which coincided with the dates of my February 13-20, 2021 retreat in Mexico. I was prepared for all kinds of woowoo— more kundalini awakenings, visions, channeling, ghost encounters, magical energy— something, anything that would be a powerful acknowledgement to the end of a turbulent Year of the Rat. Leading up to it, I was so caught up in self-importance that I ignored my feelings of anxiousness, stress, and tension. The need to know. The need to have. The need to be. It was a lesson in many parts and taught me to let go of what I was holding onto.

... In the end, there was no victory, no defeat. Just a quiet closure to a tumultuous 12 month lunar cycle. No celebration. No magic. No mystery. The joke was on me. Oh universe, how clever you were. Guiding me here, dropping breadcrumbs that I gobbled up with eagerness.

Months of buzzing anticipation and endless curiosity, but there was no show. The curtains were closed. The theatre was dark.

I must have gotten the date wrong on the invitation. I know that I am meant to be here.
And then I see it. My part in this. The clinging. The folly.

Too close to see where I was. Too late to discern what was real and what was false. The building energy past its peak and now turning toward the opposite way. A falling apart. A falling away. A strange sense of liberation. I had set myself free.

I'm grateful that the retreat itself (and all three retreats that I’ve held this year) far exceeded my expectations. The joy of togetherness. Laughing til my sides hurt. Heartfelt sharing. Inspiration. Insights. Healing.

I’m happy to announce that I will be the resident yoga teacher at Beyond Retreat’s second and smaller location in Puerto Vallarta. The venue will be a 5 bedroom villa in a residential gated community in the Marina neighborhood, a short stroll away from the beach. The maximum group size is 8 participants. The 8 day retreat is designed as budget luxury and casual with two yoga classes per day and one guided hike to the waterfalls. For the time that I will be there (March 27-April 17, 2021), I’m adding in some extras: daily meditation and broader wellness modalities instead of just an afternoon yoga class (TRE, QiGong, restorative yoga, family constellation, inner dance energy work, laughter yoga). My intention is to create a place where we practice “living” in a conscious community— being present, accountable, contributing, and communicating honestly and openly. Visit my website for more information here.

In case you have or haven’t noticed, I have disabled my Instagram account to downsize my time on social media. My Facebook business page, website, and my monthly newsletter will still continue. You can still reach me on my website contact form, Facebook, email, and WhatsApp (by request).


Be well,
Tammy

This quote from Joe Dispenza’s book Becoming Supernatural, stands out to me. I’m reading it through the lens of a Family Constellation facilitator, TRE® provider, and wellness practitioner. Through his research and my interest in quantum physics, epigenetics, ancestral trauma, and neuroscience, I have also seen evidence of his work in my own work.

Consider this. How much of your time is spent talking about the past?
​“I used to be so skinny / muscular / fit / attractive.”
“Because of the car accident…”
“Before the pandemic…”
“I’ve had depression for 10 years”
“I grew up in a _____ household”

We hold onto the past when we: compare ourselves to how we used to be; talk often about an unhealed trauma/ wound, talk about an event with an emotional charge, or have difficulty dealing with the present.
The repetition with which we keep saying these statements to ourselves or others creates a muscle memory and a limiting belief. The more we reinforce it, the more difficult it is to let it go because your ‘story’ then becomes your identity. This is why talk therapy and support groups are not always effective after a certain point. There is power in sharing, being seen, and being heard, but if trauma is not addressed at a psychosomatic level (because your body stores emotions and memory), it is likely keeping you stuck. There is a natural part of us to grieve something that has happened, but then we need to know when it’s time to move forward and redefine ourselves.

How much do our identities stop us from feeling and being fully free because historically, it has negatively impacted how we view our gender, ethnic background, sexuality, nationality, economic status, age, etc.? Who would you be without a way to describe you? The simple answer is, we’d all just see ourselves as energy (and so much less likely to take things personally or make judgments on others!!)

In yoga and TRE®, the body is sometimes held in an habitual response because this is where the body defaults to out of protection, familiarity, and control. Yet, when there is safety, equanimity, and curiosity, a deeper experience can be found in the present moment. In Family Constellation sessions, I’ve seen and felt profound shifts happening between and with representatives in the ‘knowing field’ (quantum field). If a client watched what had occurred (in this particular dimension beyond physical time and space), but then reverts back to an old narrative from the past by saying to the facilitator, “But my dad would never say that (he is proud of me)"— this then resists the healing work that has taken place in the energy field. Integration in the present moment is lost. What is not taken in during the present moment (quantum field or not) cannot then build or vibrate out into the future.

Take some time to think of something you are tightly attached to and loosen the grip. Practice equanimity, curiosity and openness. Allow space to open up and let it the unknown. (It's something I'm working on, too!!)

Be well,
Tammy
Hanuman Yoga Retreat
Website . Facebook . Instagram
​

If your heart feels called to Mexico for clarity, healing, connection, or simply to rest, come join us at Haramara Retreat Feb. 13—20, 2021 in Sayulita. Dave Millang and I will be co-facilitating "Medicine for the Soul— A Retreat into the 5 Universal Elements". This retreat will be held over Valentine's Day and Tibetan New Year— perfect for practicing self-love and starting, deepening or renewing your spiritual journey.

Featuring:
-Hatha yoga, restorative yoga, laughter yoga
-Guided meditation
-TRE® (tension-trauma release exercises)
-Family Constellation Exercises
-Innerdance Energy Work
-QiGong / Tai Chi
-Cacao Ceremony by Ohmdrea
-Temazcal Ceremony
-Sangha night
​
Haramara is an expansive, secluded open-air property with plenty of fresh ocean breezes. There is an on-site doctor who is available to conduct COVID testing before your return trip home. We will also have a translator available for Spanish speakers. This retreat will be a small group with plenty of support and space. Hope you can join us!

"Do you like yourself?" Sarah Peyton, a family constellation trainer, asked me this question at her workshop a couple of years ago. I looked at the woman in the room 'representing' me and gauged my feelings. "I don't... not like her," I answered. I was relieved that I didn't hate myself, but a bit surprised that I didn't have warmer feelings other than detached observation. Sarah inquired further, "Do you mean it's neutral?" I felt into this for a few moments and thoughtfully replied, "I respect her." As I said this, my curiosity slightly grew towards the "me" standing in front of me.

Fast forward to the past five months where, during my personal TRE® (tension-trauma release) and meditation practice, I'd be engaged in spontaneous movements where I'd throw my arms around myself in a hug. I was startled by this gesture, and received it with a mix of awkwardness and sweetness.

Last week, I participated in an ancestral medicine ceremony in Mexico. The Huichol shaman shared his teachings on self-respect, self-love, and connecting to our inner light. As he spoke, my arms automatically flung around my shoulders, holding myself in a tight embrace. The many parts of me: my inner child, soul, and present self were in a simultaneous group hug, squeezing each other in pure delight.

It was a profound moment to give and receive love for myself. Being with the feeling of joy, care, acceptance, and acknowledgment. In that moment, I knew that I truly did love myself.

Looking back over the years, I don't know if I could identify what steps I took to feel love for myself. It was certainly not linear, nor a single all-inclusive, fix-it-all modality. With most things, it's practice and commitment. I do know that it has nothing to do with our physical appearance, wealth, job status, achievements, or external validation. These are false senses of self-worth based on ego. It bypasses the work involved in building and maintaining a caring relationship with our self. For me, it's about making small and not-so-small choices that strengthen me, offer balance, find interconnectedness, and practice equanimity. In addition to what I cultivate, it also means placing boundaries, letting go of what drains me, and speaking my truth. It's essentially the practice of yoga ... for the heart.

Through countless opportunities being a representative in family constellation sessions, I've received incredible understandings about love. The fierce love between two brothers. Infinite love from an angel to a human. Devoted love from a daughter to her mother. Joyful love from a pet dog towards its owner. A grandpa's love for his grandson. In these cases, the love was immediate and effortless. In other cases, the heart could not receive or give love.

Staying at one point in life and resisting the next step keeps us stuck, blocked, or frozen-- unable to shift forward. When this happens, constellation facilitators look for the root of the block. We then sense when and where movement can happen. Sometimes the movement is small— two representatives finding the courage to look at each other instead of away. Other times the movement is when a representative states a truth. Just like when a glass full of water gets knocked over and spills out, a movement in the 'energy field" (knowing field) vibrates out at the molecular level. This then impacts whatever it lands on, and change occurs. This is the natural process of transformation on the micro and macro level.

What changes do you want in your life and humanity for 2021? Find the courage to create it and commit to it.

Be well,
Tammy
If your heart feels called to Mexico for clarity, healing, connection, or simply to rest, come join us at Haramara Retreat Feb. 13—20, 2021 in Sayulita.  I will be facilitating "Medicine for the Soul— A Retreat into the 5 Universal Elements". This retreat will be held over Valentine's Day and Tibetan New Year— perfect for practicing self-love and starting, deepening or renewing your spiritual journey.
​Featuring:
-Hatha yoga, restorative yoga, laughter yoga
-Guided meditation
-TRE® (tension-trauma release exercises)
-Family Constellation Exercises
-Innerdance Energy Work
-QiGong / Tai Chi
-Cacao Ceremony by Ohmdrea
-Temazcal Ceremony
-Open mic night